Topic: Read and weep  (Read 4209 times)

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vsfedwards

  • Guest
Read and weep
« on: January 19, 2004, 06:37:40 pm »
No..on second thought..dont weep..thats not the desired affect  

As some of you know, occasionaly I get bored and put pen to paper, finger to keyboard, butter to toast...err disregard that last one.
 Anyway, I know I dont have any real talent, but I enjoy sometimes just to sit down and write and once Ive written, post what Ive written up somewhere and see what you think...anyway, heres something Ive just started writing. Tell me now if its the most dreadful thing you have ever laid your eyes upon and you want me to stop now incase I actually trick someone into thinking that I have no life, no  talent  and could never  go far in the world because Im a complete moron.
 But on the other side of the coin, if you like it please send me lots of money, and if not money maybe a pot of celebratory coffee....wait...I have plenty of that...hmmm, ok, a couple of crates of beer should suffice....but if your feeling incredibally nice...just tell me what you liked and dont forget to put lots of hugs and kisses at the end of your post.
          And without any further ado, this is what I was babbling on about for the past five wasted minutes of your life;
 


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The familiar sound of the alarm chime crept slowly into Thomas Larrison?s dreams. Larrison was a 34 year old Ensign who excelled in astrophysics.
 He was waking from a dream, the end of a dream, the last thing he would remember when he opened his eyes.
 The alarm chimed again, this time waking him up instantly. He sat up in his large and perhaps over- comfortable bed, he felt dazed and confused as he wiped a small bead of sweat from his forehead, he felt like he had just been hit over the head and was trying to recover.
 His dark brown hair was sticking up wildly at the back of his head because of the way he had slept that night. He slowly lifted his hand and rubbed his tired eyes, which were a deep, dark brown. His dark brown skin was looking considerably darker than usual in the five percent light setting. He rubbed his face with the palm of his hand and took a deep breath to try and wake him self up.
 ?Computer, brighten lights thirty percent? he commanded wearily, the computer chimed an acknowledgement and the room around him brightened enough to make it possible to see properly.
 Larrison looked around his neat, cozy, standard Starfleet quarters. He began to wake up more and realize where he was, to his relief he found that he was still on board the USS Wayfarer. It was a Nebula class ship, sleek and shiny on the outside and though it had a few miles on the clock, it was still one of the finest of its class.
 That is exactly the reason why they were so far out in space, exactly the reason why they were exploring on their own without any immediate support.
    Larrison slowly lifted the shiny Starfleet bedcover off of him and placed his feet on the smooth, fluffy, grey carpet. He got up slowly and walked over to the replicator as if in a trance; to him it seemed like a mile long trip in this dreary, half asleep state. A trip that was actually little more than a meter.
 Once he was at the replicator, he leaned heavily against the cool, smooth wall of his room and stared at the sleek device that was built right into the wall itself. Slowly Larrison cleared his throat and rasped out the words ?Coffee, hot? The computer chimed as his order was processed and slowly, sparkling blue molecules began to appear in the replicator, soon assembling to become a coffee mug, the aroma was already wafting to his nose, teasing him that he couldn?t yet grab the cup, unless he wanted twisted, broke bits of plastic in his replicator and puddles of coffee all over the floor. Once the Coffee was in its full form, he picked up the warm mug by the handle and slowly walked over to his table where he picked up his Padd and started tapping a few buttons, displaying on a black screen with a green grid the star system they were currently charting.
   ?Computer, what?s the time?? He asked, now more clearly after his first sip of the refreshing coffee.
?The time is 0830 hours? Replied the computer in its efficient monotone, emotionless voice.
Great he thought to himself, just three ours sleep and now I have to get back to mapping these stars

?Captain on the bridge!? almost shouted the young tactical officer, his bright blue eyes widening as he looked up from his station at the back of the room behind the number ones chair, towards the captain and the rest of the bridge, his hair was short and a very light brown, if you looked at him from a distance it looked blonde, in fact his hair was such a light brown it was hardly noticeable unless you spoke with him face to face.
 The captain smiled as he looked at the ensign, fresh out of Starfleet. Oh, I remember those days he thought to himself silently. The captain was the matured age of 50, his role of being in command now full in swing, and he was enjoying every moment of it. His hair, whilst still covering all of his head, was starting to become much thinner and turn slowly grey, but he didn?t mind. In fact he liked it, he felt it was a sign of dignity and almost, he thought, reflected on all of the hard work he had put in for the federation over the years.
 ?I?ve told you ensign Morkavich, it is not always necessary to say that?
 Morkavich looked quite worried, his happy fresh, bright human face turning to one full of apology ?s?sorry Sir?I, I will try to refrain?
 Captain Jack Pinell?s smile grew even wider, showing his laughter lines even more than usual. He tried hard to control a slight chuckle. ?Its quite alright ensign, don?t be so worried, you?ll soon learn the way we operate around here?.where the real stuff happens!?
   The smile dropped from his face and the lines on his forehead soon faded, he looked straight toward his number one. Lieutenant Commander Tosarm Bajuras, a golden skinned, tall, muscular Algolian.
 He was not much different from the rest of his species in the way he looked, though his choice of career was one that not many of his kind would look into, preferring instead to engage in more peaceful lives revolving around music, mythology and archeology. And although Bajuras was not that distinguishable from that of the rest of his Species, thankfully to save any confusion, he was the only one on board the ship.
   ?Report? Demanded Pinell as he walked slowly over to the Captains chair.
?Nothing much that?s worth a mention Sir.? Replied Bajuras, in his deep, vibrating voice.
 ?Computer, transfer all command of the bridge to Captain Pinell. ?Authorization, Bajuras- alpha three epsilon.? Commanded the bulky Algolian.
 There was a slight pause and then the computer chimed ?Authorization confirmed,        bridge command transferred to Captain Jack Pinell?
 Pinell nodded at his number one ?How much progress have we made on mapping this system? asked the Captain.
?Reports say that we have made considerable progress in the past 24 hours and we should be able to move on to the Otamah system within three days if there is no delay?
The captain nodded ?I don?t suppose we?ve seen anything significant along the way then lieutenant Monroe?? The helm office tapped a few buttons on her station and then turned around to face the Captain, her long strawberry blonde hair dragging around her neck as she did.
 ?Other than that asteroid field we charted last night sir? Nothing, no sign of life?anywhere?
 The captain looked agitated as he shifted slightly in his chair. ?Were out further into un chartered space than anyone before us in the Federation and the most exciting thing we find is an asteroid field that contains a dense amount of space dust? He muttered to himself.
The bridge crew heard him, and he knew it. It was not a secret that he absolutely despised slow, uneventful missions. His passion was for action. First contact, a firefight. Something exciting, something to challenge his mind and make him think. Anything but this.
   

Monty

  • Guest
Re: Read and weep
« Reply #1 on: January 20, 2004, 05:55:37 am »
Reads great from here.

I gave up on most ST novels a while back. They all read the same- they felt very shallow not daring to go very far with the ST license so to speak. A distinct lack of depth.

I'd say run with it, see where it goes- it looks promising .  

vsfedwards

  • Guest
Re: Read and weep
« Reply #2 on: January 20, 2004, 07:05:59 am »
Only problem is I didnt sort out the Italics with the thougts on here, and cant be bothered now...Im sure you can see where they are supposed ti be thoughts.

And thanks man, that means a lot to me and my confidence.

vsfedwards

  • Guest
Re: Read and weep- small update
« Reply #3 on: January 30, 2004, 08:11:24 am »
Ok, just finished the first chapter, knocked this on the end...aint had much time to write, still thinking for the next chapter, but Ill start chpt2 this weekend.

The ships comms officer broke the captain from his thoughts ?Captain, we have an incoming hail? Pinell looked to Jessie Poran, the experienced human comms officer. Her face looked puzzled and her eyebrows raised above her deep blue eyes. ?Can you triangulate it??
?No, it seems to be coming from this sector sir?
The captain quickly looked back at his tactical officer with a sense of urgency ?Morkavich, are there any vessels or class M planets in this sector??
?No sir, I?m not reading any within this sector? The captain raised his brow, once again making his wrinkles much more prominent. ?Then where the hell is this coming from?? He turned to his first officer who looked just as confused. ?Ok, continue scans, if anyone needs me Ill be in my ready room. Number one, you have the bridge? The Algolian looked at the captain and nodded once ?Aye captain, may I also suggest that we also perform a ship- wide diagnostic? The computer may be giving us false readings? The captain tugged at his uniform as he rose to his feet. ?Go ahead, keep me updated Bajuras? The captain slowly walked into his ready room, just before the doors close  he looked back at the  gleaming bridge, with its sleek interior, not much different from the new and already famous Galaxy class. He was happy to see that his crew looked once again puzzled and challenged, happy that they had a small mystery on their hands. This was exactly what the crew of the Wayfarer needed.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I dont mean to be rude, but if you do want to read the rest once I get it going just hit me with a pm cause this is the last Im gonna post up.
 

Maxillius

  • Guest
Re: Read and weep- small update
« Reply #4 on: January 30, 2004, 12:56:54 pm »
nooo!! Come on, I know you wanna show us more, you just don't know it yet

vsfedwards

  • Guest
Re: Read and weep- small update
« Reply #5 on: January 30, 2004, 01:05:13 pm »
Like I said hit me a pm   But if it does turn out to be any good I dont want rick berman stealing my Ideas but adding a twist of temporal dimensions into it  

Maxillius

  • Guest
Re: Read and weep- small update
« Reply #6 on: January 30, 2004, 01:53:30 pm »
good point!

vsfedwards

  • Guest
Read and weep
« Reply #7 on: January 19, 2004, 06:37:40 pm »
No..on second thought..dont weep..thats not the desired affect  

As some of you know, occasionaly I get bored and put pen to paper, finger to keyboard, butter to toast...err disregard that last one.
 Anyway, I know I dont have any real talent, but I enjoy sometimes just to sit down and write and once Ive written, post what Ive written up somewhere and see what you think...anyway, heres something Ive just started writing. Tell me now if its the most dreadful thing you have ever laid your eyes upon and you want me to stop now incase I actually trick someone into thinking that I have no life, no  talent  and could never  go far in the world because Im a complete moron.
 But on the other side of the coin, if you like it please send me lots of money, and if not money maybe a pot of celebratory coffee....wait...I have plenty of that...hmmm, ok, a couple of crates of beer should suffice....but if your feeling incredibally nice...just tell me what you liked and dont forget to put lots of hugs and kisses at the end of your post.
          And without any further ado, this is what I was babbling on about for the past five wasted minutes of your life;
 


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The familiar sound of the alarm chime crept slowly into Thomas Larrison?s dreams. Larrison was a 34 year old Ensign who excelled in astrophysics.
 He was waking from a dream, the end of a dream, the last thing he would remember when he opened his eyes.
 The alarm chimed again, this time waking him up instantly. He sat up in his large and perhaps over- comfortable bed, he felt dazed and confused as he wiped a small bead of sweat from his forehead, he felt like he had just been hit over the head and was trying to recover.
 His dark brown hair was sticking up wildly at the back of his head because of the way he had slept that night. He slowly lifted his hand and rubbed his tired eyes, which were a deep, dark brown. His dark brown skin was looking considerably darker than usual in the five percent light setting. He rubbed his face with the palm of his hand and took a deep breath to try and wake him self up.
 ?Computer, brighten lights thirty percent? he commanded wearily, the computer chimed an acknowledgement and the room around him brightened enough to make it possible to see properly.
 Larrison looked around his neat, cozy, standard Starfleet quarters. He began to wake up more and realize where he was, to his relief he found that he was still on board the USS Wayfarer. It was a Nebula class ship, sleek and shiny on the outside and though it had a few miles on the clock, it was still one of the finest of its class.
 That is exactly the reason why they were so far out in space, exactly the reason why they were exploring on their own without any immediate support.
    Larrison slowly lifted the shiny Starfleet bedcover off of him and placed his feet on the smooth, fluffy, grey carpet. He got up slowly and walked over to the replicator as if in a trance; to him it seemed like a mile long trip in this dreary, half asleep state. A trip that was actually little more than a meter.
 Once he was at the replicator, he leaned heavily against the cool, smooth wall of his room and stared at the sleek device that was built right into the wall itself. Slowly Larrison cleared his throat and rasped out the words ?Coffee, hot? The computer chimed as his order was processed and slowly, sparkling blue molecules began to appear in the replicator, soon assembling to become a coffee mug, the aroma was already wafting to his nose, teasing him that he couldn?t yet grab the cup, unless he wanted twisted, broke bits of plastic in his replicator and puddles of coffee all over the floor. Once the Coffee was in its full form, he picked up the warm mug by the handle and slowly walked over to his table where he picked up his Padd and started tapping a few buttons, displaying on a black screen with a green grid the star system they were currently charting.
   ?Computer, what?s the time?? He asked, now more clearly after his first sip of the refreshing coffee.
?The time is 0830 hours? Replied the computer in its efficient monotone, emotionless voice.
Great he thought to himself, just three ours sleep and now I have to get back to mapping these stars

?Captain on the bridge!? almost shouted the young tactical officer, his bright blue eyes widening as he looked up from his station at the back of the room behind the number ones chair, towards the captain and the rest of the bridge, his hair was short and a very light brown, if you looked at him from a distance it looked blonde, in fact his hair was such a light brown it was hardly noticeable unless you spoke with him face to face.
 The captain smiled as he looked at the ensign, fresh out of Starfleet. Oh, I remember those days he thought to himself silently. The captain was the matured age of 50, his role of being in command now full in swing, and he was enjoying every moment of it. His hair, whilst still covering all of his head, was starting to become much thinner and turn slowly grey, but he didn?t mind. In fact he liked it, he felt it was a sign of dignity and almost, he thought, reflected on all of the hard work he had put in for the federation over the years.
 ?I?ve told you ensign Morkavich, it is not always necessary to say that?
 Morkavich looked quite worried, his happy fresh, bright human face turning to one full of apology ?s?sorry Sir?I, I will try to refrain?
 Captain Jack Pinell?s smile grew even wider, showing his laughter lines even more than usual. He tried hard to control a slight chuckle. ?Its quite alright ensign, don?t be so worried, you?ll soon learn the way we operate around here?.where the real stuff happens!?
   The smile dropped from his face and the lines on his forehead soon faded, he looked straight toward his number one. Lieutenant Commander Tosarm Bajuras, a golden skinned, tall, muscular Algolian.
 He was not much different from the rest of his species in the way he looked, though his choice of career was one that not many of his kind would look into, preferring instead to engage in more peaceful lives revolving around music, mythology and archeology. And although Bajuras was not that distinguishable from that of the rest of his Species, thankfully to save any confusion, he was the only one on board the ship.
   ?Report? Demanded Pinell as he walked slowly over to the Captains chair.
?Nothing much that?s worth a mention Sir.? Replied Bajuras, in his deep, vibrating voice.
 ?Computer, transfer all command of the bridge to Captain Pinell. ?Authorization, Bajuras- alpha three epsilon.? Commanded the bulky Algolian.
 There was a slight pause and then the computer chimed ?Authorization confirmed,        bridge command transferred to Captain Jack Pinell?
 Pinell nodded at his number one ?How much progress have we made on mapping this system? asked the Captain.
?Reports say that we have made considerable progress in the past 24 hours and we should be able to move on to the Otamah system within three days if there is no delay?
The captain nodded ?I don?t suppose we?ve seen anything significant along the way then lieutenant Monroe?? The helm office tapped a few buttons on her station and then turned around to face the Captain, her long strawberry blonde hair dragging around her neck as she did.
 ?Other than that asteroid field we charted last night sir? Nothing, no sign of life?anywhere?
 The captain looked agitated as he shifted slightly in his chair. ?Were out further into un chartered space than anyone before us in the Federation and the most exciting thing we find is an asteroid field that contains a dense amount of space dust? He muttered to himself.
The bridge crew heard him, and he knew it. It was not a secret that he absolutely despised slow, uneventful missions. His passion was for action. First contact, a firefight. Something exciting, something to challenge his mind and make him think. Anything but this.
   

Monty

  • Guest
Re: Read and weep
« Reply #8 on: January 20, 2004, 05:55:37 am »
Reads great from here.

I gave up on most ST novels a while back. They all read the same- they felt very shallow not daring to go very far with the ST license so to speak. A distinct lack of depth.

I'd say run with it, see where it goes- it looks promising .  

vsfedwards

  • Guest
Re: Read and weep
« Reply #9 on: January 20, 2004, 07:05:59 am »
Only problem is I didnt sort out the Italics with the thougts on here, and cant be bothered now...Im sure you can see where they are supposed ti be thoughts.

And thanks man, that means a lot to me and my confidence.

vsfedwards

  • Guest
Re: Read and weep- small update
« Reply #10 on: January 30, 2004, 08:11:24 am »
Ok, just finished the first chapter, knocked this on the end...aint had much time to write, still thinking for the next chapter, but Ill start chpt2 this weekend.

The ships comms officer broke the captain from his thoughts ?Captain, we have an incoming hail? Pinell looked to Jessie Poran, the experienced human comms officer. Her face looked puzzled and her eyebrows raised above her deep blue eyes. ?Can you triangulate it??
?No, it seems to be coming from this sector sir?
The captain quickly looked back at his tactical officer with a sense of urgency ?Morkavich, are there any vessels or class M planets in this sector??
?No sir, I?m not reading any within this sector? The captain raised his brow, once again making his wrinkles much more prominent. ?Then where the hell is this coming from?? He turned to his first officer who looked just as confused. ?Ok, continue scans, if anyone needs me Ill be in my ready room. Number one, you have the bridge? The Algolian looked at the captain and nodded once ?Aye captain, may I also suggest that we also perform a ship- wide diagnostic? The computer may be giving us false readings? The captain tugged at his uniform as he rose to his feet. ?Go ahead, keep me updated Bajuras? The captain slowly walked into his ready room, just before the doors close  he looked back at the  gleaming bridge, with its sleek interior, not much different from the new and already famous Galaxy class. He was happy to see that his crew looked once again puzzled and challenged, happy that they had a small mystery on their hands. This was exactly what the crew of the Wayfarer needed.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I dont mean to be rude, but if you do want to read the rest once I get it going just hit me with a pm cause this is the last Im gonna post up.
 

Maxillius

  • Guest
Re: Read and weep- small update
« Reply #11 on: January 30, 2004, 12:56:54 pm »
nooo!! Come on, I know you wanna show us more, you just don't know it yet

vsfedwards

  • Guest
Re: Read and weep- small update
« Reply #12 on: January 30, 2004, 01:05:13 pm »
Like I said hit me a pm   But if it does turn out to be any good I dont want rick berman stealing my Ideas but adding a twist of temporal dimensions into it  

Maxillius

  • Guest
Re: Read and weep- small update
« Reply #13 on: January 30, 2004, 01:53:30 pm »
good point!

vsfedwards

  • Guest
Read and weep
« Reply #14 on: January 19, 2004, 06:37:40 pm »
No..on second thought..dont weep..thats not the desired affect  

As some of you know, occasionaly I get bored and put pen to paper, finger to keyboard, butter to toast...err disregard that last one.
 Anyway, I know I dont have any real talent, but I enjoy sometimes just to sit down and write and once Ive written, post what Ive written up somewhere and see what you think...anyway, heres something Ive just started writing. Tell me now if its the most dreadful thing you have ever laid your eyes upon and you want me to stop now incase I actually trick someone into thinking that I have no life, no  talent  and could never  go far in the world because Im a complete moron.
 But on the other side of the coin, if you like it please send me lots of money, and if not money maybe a pot of celebratory coffee....wait...I have plenty of that...hmmm, ok, a couple of crates of beer should suffice....but if your feeling incredibally nice...just tell me what you liked and dont forget to put lots of hugs and kisses at the end of your post.
          And without any further ado, this is what I was babbling on about for the past five wasted minutes of your life;
 


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The familiar sound of the alarm chime crept slowly into Thomas Larrison?s dreams. Larrison was a 34 year old Ensign who excelled in astrophysics.
 He was waking from a dream, the end of a dream, the last thing he would remember when he opened his eyes.
 The alarm chimed again, this time waking him up instantly. He sat up in his large and perhaps over- comfortable bed, he felt dazed and confused as he wiped a small bead of sweat from his forehead, he felt like he had just been hit over the head and was trying to recover.
 His dark brown hair was sticking up wildly at the back of his head because of the way he had slept that night. He slowly lifted his hand and rubbed his tired eyes, which were a deep, dark brown. His dark brown skin was looking considerably darker than usual in the five percent light setting. He rubbed his face with the palm of his hand and took a deep breath to try and wake him self up.
 ?Computer, brighten lights thirty percent? he commanded wearily, the computer chimed an acknowledgement and the room around him brightened enough to make it possible to see properly.
 Larrison looked around his neat, cozy, standard Starfleet quarters. He began to wake up more and realize where he was, to his relief he found that he was still on board the USS Wayfarer. It was a Nebula class ship, sleek and shiny on the outside and though it had a few miles on the clock, it was still one of the finest of its class.
 That is exactly the reason why they were so far out in space, exactly the reason why they were exploring on their own without any immediate support.
    Larrison slowly lifted the shiny Starfleet bedcover off of him and placed his feet on the smooth, fluffy, grey carpet. He got up slowly and walked over to the replicator as if in a trance; to him it seemed like a mile long trip in this dreary, half asleep state. A trip that was actually little more than a meter.
 Once he was at the replicator, he leaned heavily against the cool, smooth wall of his room and stared at the sleek device that was built right into the wall itself. Slowly Larrison cleared his throat and rasped out the words ?Coffee, hot? The computer chimed as his order was processed and slowly, sparkling blue molecules began to appear in the replicator, soon assembling to become a coffee mug, the aroma was already wafting to his nose, teasing him that he couldn?t yet grab the cup, unless he wanted twisted, broke bits of plastic in his replicator and puddles of coffee all over the floor. Once the Coffee was in its full form, he picked up the warm mug by the handle and slowly walked over to his table where he picked up his Padd and started tapping a few buttons, displaying on a black screen with a green grid the star system they were currently charting.
   ?Computer, what?s the time?? He asked, now more clearly after his first sip of the refreshing coffee.
?The time is 0830 hours? Replied the computer in its efficient monotone, emotionless voice.
Great he thought to himself, just three ours sleep and now I have to get back to mapping these stars

?Captain on the bridge!? almost shouted the young tactical officer, his bright blue eyes widening as he looked up from his station at the back of the room behind the number ones chair, towards the captain and the rest of the bridge, his hair was short and a very light brown, if you looked at him from a distance it looked blonde, in fact his hair was such a light brown it was hardly noticeable unless you spoke with him face to face.
 The captain smiled as he looked at the ensign, fresh out of Starfleet. Oh, I remember those days he thought to himself silently. The captain was the matured age of 50, his role of being in command now full in swing, and he was enjoying every moment of it. His hair, whilst still covering all of his head, was starting to become much thinner and turn slowly grey, but he didn?t mind. In fact he liked it, he felt it was a sign of dignity and almost, he thought, reflected on all of the hard work he had put in for the federation over the years.
 ?I?ve told you ensign Morkavich, it is not always necessary to say that?
 Morkavich looked quite worried, his happy fresh, bright human face turning to one full of apology ?s?sorry Sir?I, I will try to refrain?
 Captain Jack Pinell?s smile grew even wider, showing his laughter lines even more than usual. He tried hard to control a slight chuckle. ?Its quite alright ensign, don?t be so worried, you?ll soon learn the way we operate around here?.where the real stuff happens!?
   The smile dropped from his face and the lines on his forehead soon faded, he looked straight toward his number one. Lieutenant Commander Tosarm Bajuras, a golden skinned, tall, muscular Algolian.
 He was not much different from the rest of his species in the way he looked, though his choice of career was one that not many of his kind would look into, preferring instead to engage in more peaceful lives revolving around music, mythology and archeology. And although Bajuras was not that distinguishable from that of the rest of his Species, thankfully to save any confusion, he was the only one on board the ship.
   ?Report? Demanded Pinell as he walked slowly over to the Captains chair.
?Nothing much that?s worth a mention Sir.? Replied Bajuras, in his deep, vibrating voice.
 ?Computer, transfer all command of the bridge to Captain Pinell. ?Authorization, Bajuras- alpha three epsilon.? Commanded the bulky Algolian.
 There was a slight pause and then the computer chimed ?Authorization confirmed,        bridge command transferred to Captain Jack Pinell?
 Pinell nodded at his number one ?How much progress have we made on mapping this system? asked the Captain.
?Reports say that we have made considerable progress in the past 24 hours and we should be able to move on to the Otamah system within three days if there is no delay?
The captain nodded ?I don?t suppose we?ve seen anything significant along the way then lieutenant Monroe?? The helm office tapped a few buttons on her station and then turned around to face the Captain, her long strawberry blonde hair dragging around her neck as she did.
 ?Other than that asteroid field we charted last night sir? Nothing, no sign of life?anywhere?
 The captain looked agitated as he shifted slightly in his chair. ?Were out further into un chartered space than anyone before us in the Federation and the most exciting thing we find is an asteroid field that contains a dense amount of space dust? He muttered to himself.
The bridge crew heard him, and he knew it. It was not a secret that he absolutely despised slow, uneventful missions. His passion was for action. First contact, a firefight. Something exciting, something to challenge his mind and make him think. Anything but this.
   

Monty

  • Guest
Re: Read and weep
« Reply #15 on: January 20, 2004, 05:55:37 am »
Reads great from here.

I gave up on most ST novels a while back. They all read the same- they felt very shallow not daring to go very far with the ST license so to speak. A distinct lack of depth.

I'd say run with it, see where it goes- it looks promising .  

vsfedwards

  • Guest
Re: Read and weep
« Reply #16 on: January 20, 2004, 07:05:59 am »
Only problem is I didnt sort out the Italics with the thougts on here, and cant be bothered now...Im sure you can see where they are supposed ti be thoughts.

And thanks man, that means a lot to me and my confidence.

vsfedwards

  • Guest
Re: Read and weep- small update
« Reply #17 on: January 30, 2004, 08:11:24 am »
Ok, just finished the first chapter, knocked this on the end...aint had much time to write, still thinking for the next chapter, but Ill start chpt2 this weekend.

The ships comms officer broke the captain from his thoughts ?Captain, we have an incoming hail? Pinell looked to Jessie Poran, the experienced human comms officer. Her face looked puzzled and her eyebrows raised above her deep blue eyes. ?Can you triangulate it??
?No, it seems to be coming from this sector sir?
The captain quickly looked back at his tactical officer with a sense of urgency ?Morkavich, are there any vessels or class M planets in this sector??
?No sir, I?m not reading any within this sector? The captain raised his brow, once again making his wrinkles much more prominent. ?Then where the hell is this coming from?? He turned to his first officer who looked just as confused. ?Ok, continue scans, if anyone needs me Ill be in my ready room. Number one, you have the bridge? The Algolian looked at the captain and nodded once ?Aye captain, may I also suggest that we also perform a ship- wide diagnostic? The computer may be giving us false readings? The captain tugged at his uniform as he rose to his feet. ?Go ahead, keep me updated Bajuras? The captain slowly walked into his ready room, just before the doors close  he looked back at the  gleaming bridge, with its sleek interior, not much different from the new and already famous Galaxy class. He was happy to see that his crew looked once again puzzled and challenged, happy that they had a small mystery on their hands. This was exactly what the crew of the Wayfarer needed.

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I dont mean to be rude, but if you do want to read the rest once I get it going just hit me with a pm cause this is the last Im gonna post up.
 

Maxillius

  • Guest
Re: Read and weep- small update
« Reply #18 on: January 30, 2004, 12:56:54 pm »
nooo!! Come on, I know you wanna show us more, you just don't know it yet

vsfedwards

  • Guest
Re: Read and weep- small update
« Reply #19 on: January 30, 2004, 01:05:13 pm »
Like I said hit me a pm   But if it does turn out to be any good I dont want rick berman stealing my Ideas but adding a twist of temporal dimensions into it  

Maxillius

  • Guest
Re: Read and weep- small update
« Reply #20 on: January 30, 2004, 01:53:30 pm »
good point!