Topic: Stupid labels

[TB613]

Quote:

I'm sure every one of these can be traced back to some frivolous lawsuit that forced the company to put the stupid warning on their merchandise.

 

Actually this one goes back to before those lawsuits started happening.
 

Quote:
  "Not intended for highway use." -- On a 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow.

It makes sense when you have a low speed tire that is the same size as a high speed tire just to avoid any posible confusion.
   

[Losiack]

It took me a while but I found it:

This product warps space and time in its vicinity.

This product attracts every other piece of matter in the universe, including the products of other manufacturers, with a force proportional to the masses of the products and inversely proportional to the distance between them.

The mass of this product contains the energy equivalent of 85 million tons of TNT per net ounce of weight.

Handle with extreme care: This product contains minute electrically charged particles moving at velocities in excess of five hundred million miles per hour.

Because of the 'Uncertainty Principle,' it is impossible for the consumer to find out precisely where this product is and how fast it is moving.

There is an extremely small but nonzero chance that, through a process known as 'Tunneling,' this product may spontaneously disappear from its present location and reappear randomly in the universe. The manufacturer will not be responsible for any damages or inconvenience that may result.

According to certain suggested versions of a Grand Unified Theory, the primary particles constituting this product may decay to nothingness within the next four hundred million years.

This is a 100% Matter product: In the unlikely event that this merchandise should contact Antimatter in any form, a
catastrophic explosion will result.

Any use of this product, in any manner whatsoever, will increase the amount of disorder in the universe. Although no liability is implied herein, the consumer is warned that this process will ultimately lead to the heat death of the universe.

The most fundamental particles in this product are held together by a 'Gluing' force about which little is currently known and whose adhesive power can therefore not be permanently guaranteed.

Some quantum physics theories suggest that when the consumer is not directly observing this product, it may cease to exist or will exist only in a vague and undetermined state.

The subatomic particles (electrons, protons, etc.) comprising this product are exactly the same in every measurable respect as those used in the products of other manufacturers, and no claim to the contrary may legitimately be expressed or implied.

Care should be taken when lifting this product, since its mass, and thus its weight, is dependent on its velocity relative to the user.

The entire physical universe, including this product, may one day collapse back into an infinitesimally small space. Should another universe subsequently re-emerge, the existence of this product in that universe cannot be guaranteed


Losiack

[Bonk]

Its not the peanuts that people have developed a greater sensitivity to (some severe). Its the mycotoxin(s) produced by a fungus that grows on the peanuts that produces the allergic response. These compunds can be very toxic. I theorise that there is greater sensitivity to mycotoxins than there was in the past because of our sealed environments that encourage mold growth which subjects us to greater concentrations of these compounds than are encountered in nature...

I expect this all to change soon. There are fungicides/crop rotations in the works that may allow the production of mycotoxin-free peanut crops so that all children can know the joy of peanuts!

It's not the peanut's fault! Ease up on the poor peanut people!    

[MarianoDT]

Save the peanut !!!    

[Dash Jones]

Quote:
It took me a while but I found it:

This product warps space and time in its vicinity.

This product attracts every other piece of matter in the universe, including the products of other manufacturers, with a force proportional to the masses of the products and inversely proportional to the distance between them.

The mass of this product contains the energy equivalent of 85 million tons of TNT per net ounce of weight.

Handle with extreme care: This product contains minute electrically charged particles moving at velocities in excess of five hundred million miles per hour.

Because of the 'Uncertainty Principle,' it is impossible for the consumer to find out precisely where this product is and how fast it is moving.

There is an extremely small but nonzero chance that, through a process known as 'Tunneling,' this product may spontaneously disappear from its present location and reappear randomly in the universe. The manufacturer will not be responsible for any damages or inconvenience that may result.

According to certain suggested versions of a Grand Unified Theory, the primary particles constituting this product may decay to nothingness within the next four hundred million years.

This is a 100% Matter product: In the unlikely event that this merchandise should contact Antimatter in any form, a
catastrophic explosion will result.

Any use of this product, in any manner whatsoever, will increase the amount of disorder in the universe. Although no liability is implied herein, the consumer is warned that this process will ultimately lead to the heat death of the universe.

The most fundamental particles in this product are held together by a 'Gluing' force about which little is currently known and whose adhesive power can therefore not be permanently guaranteed.

Some quantum physics theories suggest that when the consumer is not directly observing this product, it may cease to exist or will exist only in a vague and undetermined state.

The subatomic particles (electrons, protons, etc.) comprising this product are exactly the same in every measurable respect as those used in the products of other manufacturers, and no claim to the contrary may legitimately be expressed or implied.

Care should be taken when lifting this product, since its mass, and thus its weight, is dependent on its velocity relative to the user.

The entire physical universe, including this product, may one day collapse back into an infinitesimally small space. Should another universe subsequently re-emerge, the existence of this product in that universe cannot be guaranteed


Losiack  

Excellent post!  I love it!

[SPQR Renegade001]

Quote:
There is an extremely small but nonzero chance that, through a process known as 'Tunneling,' this product may spontaneously disappear from its present location and reappear randomly in the universe. The manufacturer will not be responsible for any damages or inconvenience that may result.

Hmmm, You may have just stumbled on answer to the mysterious sock eating dryer.

[Ravok]

 My personal favorite was in the military on a Claymore anti personnel mine DO NOT EAT!
 Gee i know some of us GIs aren't that bright but give us a break  

[SL-Punisher]

LOL If you've ever seen a claymore mine on one side if it is clearly marked "Place toward enemy"