Topic: Stupid labels

[Losiack]

How stupid are consumers and how far do companies need to go with their disclaimers?

I bought a jar of Cashew. On the list on ingredients, it said: Cashew (doh!), peanut oil and salt.

On the disclaimer it said: May contain traces of nuts and/or peanuts!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think that Darwin is roling over in his coffin

Now, if someone was to claim that illeterate people were at risk, why don't they put a peanut warning logo.



Losiack

[762]

Some people are very allergic to peanuts.

[Losiack]

I know but the ingredient list clearly states: peanut oil!!!!!

[Sethan]

Product Warnings:

"Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." -- On a bottle of shampoo for dogs.

"For external use only!" -- On a curling iron.

"Warning: This product can burn eyes." -- On a curling iron.

"Do not use in shower." -- On a hair dryer.

"Do not use while sleeping." -- On a hair dryer.

"Do not use while sleeping or unconscious." -- On a hand-held massaging device.

"Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking." -- On a toilet at a public sports facility in Ann Arbor, Michigan.

"Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." -- On a pair of shin guards made for bicyclists.

"This product not intended for use as a dental drill." -- On an electric rotary tool.

"Caution: Do not spray in eyes." -- On a container of underarm deodorant.

"Do not drive with sunshield in place." -- On a cardboard sunshield that keeps the sun off the dashboard.

"Caution: This is not a safety protective device." -- On a plastic toy helmet used as a container for popcorn.

"Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks." -- On an "Aim-n-Flame" fireplace lighter.

"Battery may explore or leak." -- On a battery. See a scanned image.

"Do not eat toner." -- On a toner cartridge for a laser printer.

"Not intended for highway use." -- On a 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow.

"This product is not to be used in bathrooms." -- On a Holmes bathroom heater.

"May irritate eyes." -- On a can of self-defense pepper spray.

"Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth." -- On a novelty rock garden set called "Popcorn Rock."

"Caution! Contents hot!" -- On a Domino's Pizza box.

"Caution: Hot beverages are hot!" -- On a coffee cup.

"Warning: May contain small parts." -- On a frisbee.

"Do not use orally." -- On a toilet bowl cleaning brush.

"Please keep out of children." -- On a butcher knife.

"Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less." -- On a birthday card for a 1 year old.

"Do not recharge, put in backwards, or use." -- On a battery.

"Warning: Do not use on eyes." -- In the manual for a heated seat cushion.

"Do not look into laser with remaining eye." -- On a laser pointer.

"Do not use for drying pets." -- In the manual for a microwave oven.

"For use on animals only." -- On an electric cattle prod.

"For use by trained personnel only." -- On a can of air freshener.

"Keep out of reach of children and teenagers." -- On a can of air freshener.

"Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you." -- On a motorcycle helmet-mounted rear-view mirror.

"Warning: Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to the forceful injection of water into body cavities either by falling into the water or while mounting the craft." -- In the manual for a jetski.

"Warning: Do not climb inside this bag and zip it up. Doing so will cause injury and death." -- A label inside a protective bag (for fragile objects), which measures 15cm by 15cm by 12cm.

"Do not use as ear plugs." -- On a package of silly putty.

"Please store in the cold section of the refrigerator." -- On a bag of fresh grapes in Australia.

"Warning: knives are sharp!" -- On the packaging of a sharpening stone.

"Not for weight control." -- On a pack of Breath Savers.

"Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth." -- On the label of a bottled drink.

"Theft of this container is a crime." -- On a milk crate.

"Do not use intimately." -- On a tube of deodorant.

"Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice." -- On a box of rat poison.

"Fragile. Do not drop." -- Posted on a Boeing 757.

"Cannot be made non-poisonous." -- On the back of a can of de-icing windshield fluid.

"Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage." -- On a portable stroller.

"Excessive dust may be irritating to shin and eyes." -- On a tube of agarose powder, used to make gels.

"Look before driving." -- On the dash board of a mail truck.

"Do not iron clothes on body." -- On packaging for a Rowenta iron.

"Do not drive car or operate machinery." -- On Boot's children's cough medicine.

"For indoor or outdoor use only." -- On a string of Christmas lights.

"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." -- On a child sized Superman costume.

"This door is alarmed from 7:00pm - 7:00am." -- On a hospital's outside access door.

"Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted." -- On a sign at a railroad station.

"Warning: do not use if you have prostate problems." -- On a box of Midol PMS relief tablets.

"Product will be hot after heating." -- On a supermarket dessert box.

"Do not turn upside down." -- On the bottom of a supermarket dessert box.

"Do not light in face. Do not expose to flame." -- On a lighter.

"Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball." -- On the label for a cheap rubber ball toy.

"Not for human consumption." -- On a package of dice.

"May be harmful if swallowed." -- On a shipment of hammers.

"Using Ingenio cookware to destroy your old pots may void your warranty." -- A printed message that appears in a television advertisement when the presenter demonstrates how strong the cookware is by using it to beat up and destroy a regular frying pan.

"Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand." -- In the manual for a Swedish chainsaw.

"Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers." -- From a manual for an SGI computer.

"Warning: May contain nuts." -- On a package of peanuts.

"Do not eat." -- On a slip of paper in a stereo box, referring to the styrofoam packing.

"Access hole only -- not intended for use in lifting box." -- On the sides of a shipping carton, just above cut-out openings which one would assume were handholds.

"Warning: May cause drowsiness." -- On a bottle of Nytol, a brand of sleeping pills.

"Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death." -- Stamped on the metal barrel of a .22 calibre rifle.

"Do not use orally after using rectally." -- In the instructions for an electric thermometer.

"Turn off motor before using this product." -- On the packaging for a chain saw file, used to sharpen the cutting teeth on the chain.

"Not to be used as a personal flotation device." -- On a 6x10 inch inflatable picture frame.

"Do not put in mouth." -- On a box of bottle rockets.

"Remove plastic before eating." -- On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack.

"Not dishwasher safe." -- On a remote control for a TV.

"For lifting purposes only." -- On the box for a car jack.

"Do not put lit candles on phone." -- On the instructions for a cordless phone.

"Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants." -- On the packaging for a wristwatch.

[Losiack]

I remember seeing a disclaimer based on Physics. It included such warnings as:

Contain electric charged particules

100% matter, do not get into contact with antimatter

Any use of this product even for the purpose it is designed for will increase the enthropy of the Universe, ultimatley leading to its heat death.

...

Losiack

[Sirgod]

 

Quote:
 Any use of this product even for the purpose it is designed for will increase the enthropy of the Universe, ultimatley leading to its heat death.

hehe, that's a new classic

Stephen

[Scott Allen Abfalter]

I'm sure every one of these can be traced back to some frivolous lawsuit that forced the company to put the stupid warning on their merchandise.

 

[762]

Yep.

[TB613]

Quote:

I'm sure every one of these can be traced back to some frivolous lawsuit that forced the company to put the stupid warning on their merchandise.

 

Actually this one goes back to before those lawsuits started happening.
 

Quote:
  "Not intended for highway use." -- On a 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow.

It makes sense when you have a low speed tire that is the same size as a high speed tire just to avoid any posible confusion.
   

[Losiack]

It took me a while but I found it:

This product warps space and time in its vicinity.

This product attracts every other piece of matter in the universe, including the products of other manufacturers, with a force proportional to the masses of the products and inversely proportional to the distance between them.

The mass of this product contains the energy equivalent of 85 million tons of TNT per net ounce of weight.

Handle with extreme care: This product contains minute electrically charged particles moving at velocities in excess of five hundred million miles per hour.

Because of the 'Uncertainty Principle,' it is impossible for the consumer to find out precisely where this product is and how fast it is moving.

There is an extremely small but nonzero chance that, through a process known as 'Tunneling,' this product may spontaneously disappear from its present location and reappear randomly in the universe. The manufacturer will not be responsible for any damages or inconvenience that may result.

According to certain suggested versions of a Grand Unified Theory, the primary particles constituting this product may decay to nothingness within the next four hundred million years.

This is a 100% Matter product: In the unlikely event that this merchandise should contact Antimatter in any form, a
catastrophic explosion will result.

Any use of this product, in any manner whatsoever, will increase the amount of disorder in the universe. Although no liability is implied herein, the consumer is warned that this process will ultimately lead to the heat death of the universe.

The most fundamental particles in this product are held together by a 'Gluing' force about which little is currently known and whose adhesive power can therefore not be permanently guaranteed.

Some quantum physics theories suggest that when the consumer is not directly observing this product, it may cease to exist or will exist only in a vague and undetermined state.

The subatomic particles (electrons, protons, etc.) comprising this product are exactly the same in every measurable respect as those used in the products of other manufacturers, and no claim to the contrary may legitimately be expressed or implied.

Care should be taken when lifting this product, since its mass, and thus its weight, is dependent on its velocity relative to the user.

The entire physical universe, including this product, may one day collapse back into an infinitesimally small space. Should another universe subsequently re-emerge, the existence of this product in that universe cannot be guaranteed


Losiack

[Bonk]

Its not the peanuts that people have developed a greater sensitivity to (some severe). Its the mycotoxin(s) produced by a fungus that grows on the peanuts that produces the allergic response. These compunds can be very toxic. I theorise that there is greater sensitivity to mycotoxins than there was in the past because of our sealed environments that encourage mold growth which subjects us to greater concentrations of these compounds than are encountered in nature...

I expect this all to change soon. There are fungicides/crop rotations in the works that may allow the production of mycotoxin-free peanut crops so that all children can know the joy of peanuts!

It's not the peanut's fault! Ease up on the poor peanut people!    

[MarianoDT]

Save the peanut !!!    

[Dash Jones]

Quote:
It took me a while but I found it:

This product warps space and time in its vicinity.

This product attracts every other piece of matter in the universe, including the products of other manufacturers, with a force proportional to the masses of the products and inversely proportional to the distance between them.

The mass of this product contains the energy equivalent of 85 million tons of TNT per net ounce of weight.

Handle with extreme care: This product contains minute electrically charged particles moving at velocities in excess of five hundred million miles per hour.

Because of the 'Uncertainty Principle,' it is impossible for the consumer to find out precisely where this product is and how fast it is moving.

There is an extremely small but nonzero chance that, through a process known as 'Tunneling,' this product may spontaneously disappear from its present location and reappear randomly in the universe. The manufacturer will not be responsible for any damages or inconvenience that may result.

According to certain suggested versions of a Grand Unified Theory, the primary particles constituting this product may decay to nothingness within the next four hundred million years.

This is a 100% Matter product: In the unlikely event that this merchandise should contact Antimatter in any form, a
catastrophic explosion will result.

Any use of this product, in any manner whatsoever, will increase the amount of disorder in the universe. Although no liability is implied herein, the consumer is warned that this process will ultimately lead to the heat death of the universe.

The most fundamental particles in this product are held together by a 'Gluing' force about which little is currently known and whose adhesive power can therefore not be permanently guaranteed.

Some quantum physics theories suggest that when the consumer is not directly observing this product, it may cease to exist or will exist only in a vague and undetermined state.

The subatomic particles (electrons, protons, etc.) comprising this product are exactly the same in every measurable respect as those used in the products of other manufacturers, and no claim to the contrary may legitimately be expressed or implied.

Care should be taken when lifting this product, since its mass, and thus its weight, is dependent on its velocity relative to the user.

The entire physical universe, including this product, may one day collapse back into an infinitesimally small space. Should another universe subsequently re-emerge, the existence of this product in that universe cannot be guaranteed


Losiack  

Excellent post!  I love it!

[SPQR Renegade001]

Quote:
There is an extremely small but nonzero chance that, through a process known as 'Tunneling,' this product may spontaneously disappear from its present location and reappear randomly in the universe. The manufacturer will not be responsible for any damages or inconvenience that may result.

Hmmm, You may have just stumbled on answer to the mysterious sock eating dryer.

[Ravok]

 My personal favorite was in the military on a Claymore anti personnel mine DO NOT EAT!
 Gee i know some of us GIs aren't that bright but give us a break  

[SL-Punisher]

LOL If you've ever seen a claymore mine on one side if it is clearly marked "Place toward enemy"

[Losiack]

How stupid are consumers and how far do companies need to go with their disclaimers?

I bought a jar of Cashew. On the list on ingredients, it said: Cashew (doh!), peanut oil and salt.

On the disclaimer it said: May contain traces of nuts and/or peanuts!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think that Darwin is roling over in his coffin

Now, if someone was to claim that illeterate people were at risk, why don't they put a peanut warning logo.



Losiack

[762]

Some people are very allergic to peanuts.

[Losiack]

I know but the ingredient list clearly states: peanut oil!!!!!

[Sethan]

Product Warnings:

"Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." -- On a bottle of shampoo for dogs.

"For external use only!" -- On a curling iron.

"Warning: This product can burn eyes." -- On a curling iron.

"Do not use in shower." -- On a hair dryer.

"Do not use while sleeping." -- On a hair dryer.

"Do not use while sleeping or unconscious." -- On a hand-held massaging device.

"Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking." -- On a toilet at a public sports facility in Ann Arbor, Michigan.

"Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." -- On a pair of shin guards made for bicyclists.

"This product not intended for use as a dental drill." -- On an electric rotary tool.

"Caution: Do not spray in eyes." -- On a container of underarm deodorant.

"Do not drive with sunshield in place." -- On a cardboard sunshield that keeps the sun off the dashboard.

"Caution: This is not a safety protective device." -- On a plastic toy helmet used as a container for popcorn.

"Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks." -- On an "Aim-n-Flame" fireplace lighter.

"Battery may explore or leak." -- On a battery. See a scanned image.

"Do not eat toner." -- On a toner cartridge for a laser printer.

"Not intended for highway use." -- On a 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow.

"This product is not to be used in bathrooms." -- On a Holmes bathroom heater.

"May irritate eyes." -- On a can of self-defense pepper spray.

"Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth." -- On a novelty rock garden set called "Popcorn Rock."

"Caution! Contents hot!" -- On a Domino's Pizza box.

"Caution: Hot beverages are hot!" -- On a coffee cup.

"Warning: May contain small parts." -- On a frisbee.

"Do not use orally." -- On a toilet bowl cleaning brush.

"Please keep out of children." -- On a butcher knife.

"Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less." -- On a birthday card for a 1 year old.

"Do not recharge, put in backwards, or use." -- On a battery.

"Warning: Do not use on eyes." -- In the manual for a heated seat cushion.

"Do not look into laser with remaining eye." -- On a laser pointer.

"Do not use for drying pets." -- In the manual for a microwave oven.

"For use on animals only." -- On an electric cattle prod.

"For use by trained personnel only." -- On a can of air freshener.

"Keep out of reach of children and teenagers." -- On a can of air freshener.

"Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you." -- On a motorcycle helmet-mounted rear-view mirror.

"Warning: Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to the forceful injection of water into body cavities either by falling into the water or while mounting the craft." -- In the manual for a jetski.

"Warning: Do not climb inside this bag and zip it up. Doing so will cause injury and death." -- A label inside a protective bag (for fragile objects), which measures 15cm by 15cm by 12cm.

"Do not use as ear plugs." -- On a package of silly putty.

"Please store in the cold section of the refrigerator." -- On a bag of fresh grapes in Australia.

"Warning: knives are sharp!" -- On the packaging of a sharpening stone.

"Not for weight control." -- On a pack of Breath Savers.

"Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth." -- On the label of a bottled drink.

"Theft of this container is a crime." -- On a milk crate.

"Do not use intimately." -- On a tube of deodorant.

"Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice." -- On a box of rat poison.

"Fragile. Do not drop." -- Posted on a Boeing 757.

"Cannot be made non-poisonous." -- On the back of a can of de-icing windshield fluid.

"Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage." -- On a portable stroller.

"Excessive dust may be irritating to shin and eyes." -- On a tube of agarose powder, used to make gels.

"Look before driving." -- On the dash board of a mail truck.

"Do not iron clothes on body." -- On packaging for a Rowenta iron.

"Do not drive car or operate machinery." -- On Boot's children's cough medicine.

"For indoor or outdoor use only." -- On a string of Christmas lights.

"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." -- On a child sized Superman costume.

"This door is alarmed from 7:00pm - 7:00am." -- On a hospital's outside access door.

"Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted." -- On a sign at a railroad station.

"Warning: do not use if you have prostate problems." -- On a box of Midol PMS relief tablets.

"Product will be hot after heating." -- On a supermarket dessert box.

"Do not turn upside down." -- On the bottom of a supermarket dessert box.

"Do not light in face. Do not expose to flame." -- On a lighter.

"Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball." -- On the label for a cheap rubber ball toy.

"Not for human consumption." -- On a package of dice.

"May be harmful if swallowed." -- On a shipment of hammers.

"Using Ingenio cookware to destroy your old pots may void your warranty." -- A printed message that appears in a television advertisement when the presenter demonstrates how strong the cookware is by using it to beat up and destroy a regular frying pan.

"Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand." -- In the manual for a Swedish chainsaw.

"Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers." -- From a manual for an SGI computer.

"Warning: May contain nuts." -- On a package of peanuts.

"Do not eat." -- On a slip of paper in a stereo box, referring to the styrofoam packing.

"Access hole only -- not intended for use in lifting box." -- On the sides of a shipping carton, just above cut-out openings which one would assume were handholds.

"Warning: May cause drowsiness." -- On a bottle of Nytol, a brand of sleeping pills.

"Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death." -- Stamped on the metal barrel of a .22 calibre rifle.

"Do not use orally after using rectally." -- In the instructions for an electric thermometer.

"Turn off motor before using this product." -- On the packaging for a chain saw file, used to sharpen the cutting teeth on the chain.

"Not to be used as a personal flotation device." -- On a 6x10 inch inflatable picture frame.

"Do not put in mouth." -- On a box of bottle rockets.

"Remove plastic before eating." -- On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack.

"Not dishwasher safe." -- On a remote control for a TV.

"For lifting purposes only." -- On the box for a car jack.

"Do not put lit candles on phone." -- On the instructions for a cordless phone.

"Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants." -- On the packaging for a wristwatch.

[Losiack]

I remember seeing a disclaimer based on Physics. It included such warnings as:

Contain electric charged particules

100% matter, do not get into contact with antimatter

Any use of this product even for the purpose it is designed for will increase the enthropy of the Universe, ultimatley leading to its heat death.

...

Losiack

[Sirgod]

 

Quote:
 Any use of this product even for the purpose it is designed for will increase the enthropy of the Universe, ultimatley leading to its heat death.

hehe, that's a new classic

Stephen

[Scott Allen Abfalter]

I'm sure every one of these can be traced back to some frivolous lawsuit that forced the company to put the stupid warning on their merchandise.

 

[762]

Yep.

[TB613]

Quote:

I'm sure every one of these can be traced back to some frivolous lawsuit that forced the company to put the stupid warning on their merchandise.

 

Actually this one goes back to before those lawsuits started happening.
 

Quote:
  "Not intended for highway use." -- On a 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow.

It makes sense when you have a low speed tire that is the same size as a high speed tire just to avoid any posible confusion.
   

[Losiack]

It took me a while but I found it:

This product warps space and time in its vicinity.

This product attracts every other piece of matter in the universe, including the products of other manufacturers, with a force proportional to the masses of the products and inversely proportional to the distance between them.

The mass of this product contains the energy equivalent of 85 million tons of TNT per net ounce of weight.

Handle with extreme care: This product contains minute electrically charged particles moving at velocities in excess of five hundred million miles per hour.

Because of the 'Uncertainty Principle,' it is impossible for the consumer to find out precisely where this product is and how fast it is moving.

There is an extremely small but nonzero chance that, through a process known as 'Tunneling,' this product may spontaneously disappear from its present location and reappear randomly in the universe. The manufacturer will not be responsible for any damages or inconvenience that may result.

According to certain suggested versions of a Grand Unified Theory, the primary particles constituting this product may decay to nothingness within the next four hundred million years.

This is a 100% Matter product: In the unlikely event that this merchandise should contact Antimatter in any form, a
catastrophic explosion will result.

Any use of this product, in any manner whatsoever, will increase the amount of disorder in the universe. Although no liability is implied herein, the consumer is warned that this process will ultimately lead to the heat death of the universe.

The most fundamental particles in this product are held together by a 'Gluing' force about which little is currently known and whose adhesive power can therefore not be permanently guaranteed.

Some quantum physics theories suggest that when the consumer is not directly observing this product, it may cease to exist or will exist only in a vague and undetermined state.

The subatomic particles (electrons, protons, etc.) comprising this product are exactly the same in every measurable respect as those used in the products of other manufacturers, and no claim to the contrary may legitimately be expressed or implied.

Care should be taken when lifting this product, since its mass, and thus its weight, is dependent on its velocity relative to the user.

The entire physical universe, including this product, may one day collapse back into an infinitesimally small space. Should another universe subsequently re-emerge, the existence of this product in that universe cannot be guaranteed


Losiack

[Bonk]

Its not the peanuts that people have developed a greater sensitivity to (some severe). Its the mycotoxin(s) produced by a fungus that grows on the peanuts that produces the allergic response. These compunds can be very toxic. I theorise that there is greater sensitivity to mycotoxins than there was in the past because of our sealed environments that encourage mold growth which subjects us to greater concentrations of these compounds than are encountered in nature...

I expect this all to change soon. There are fungicides/crop rotations in the works that may allow the production of mycotoxin-free peanut crops so that all children can know the joy of peanuts!

It's not the peanut's fault! Ease up on the poor peanut people!    

[MarianoDT]

Save the peanut !!!    

[Dash Jones]

Quote:
It took me a while but I found it:

This product warps space and time in its vicinity.

This product attracts every other piece of matter in the universe, including the products of other manufacturers, with a force proportional to the masses of the products and inversely proportional to the distance between them.

The mass of this product contains the energy equivalent of 85 million tons of TNT per net ounce of weight.

Handle with extreme care: This product contains minute electrically charged particles moving at velocities in excess of five hundred million miles per hour.

Because of the 'Uncertainty Principle,' it is impossible for the consumer to find out precisely where this product is and how fast it is moving.

There is an extremely small but nonzero chance that, through a process known as 'Tunneling,' this product may spontaneously disappear from its present location and reappear randomly in the universe. The manufacturer will not be responsible for any damages or inconvenience that may result.

According to certain suggested versions of a Grand Unified Theory, the primary particles constituting this product may decay to nothingness within the next four hundred million years.

This is a 100% Matter product: In the unlikely event that this merchandise should contact Antimatter in any form, a
catastrophic explosion will result.

Any use of this product, in any manner whatsoever, will increase the amount of disorder in the universe. Although no liability is implied herein, the consumer is warned that this process will ultimately lead to the heat death of the universe.

The most fundamental particles in this product are held together by a 'Gluing' force about which little is currently known and whose adhesive power can therefore not be permanently guaranteed.

Some quantum physics theories suggest that when the consumer is not directly observing this product, it may cease to exist or will exist only in a vague and undetermined state.

The subatomic particles (electrons, protons, etc.) comprising this product are exactly the same in every measurable respect as those used in the products of other manufacturers, and no claim to the contrary may legitimately be expressed or implied.

Care should be taken when lifting this product, since its mass, and thus its weight, is dependent on its velocity relative to the user.

The entire physical universe, including this product, may one day collapse back into an infinitesimally small space. Should another universe subsequently re-emerge, the existence of this product in that universe cannot be guaranteed


Losiack  

Excellent post!  I love it!

[SPQR Renegade001]

Quote:
There is an extremely small but nonzero chance that, through a process known as 'Tunneling,' this product may spontaneously disappear from its present location and reappear randomly in the universe. The manufacturer will not be responsible for any damages or inconvenience that may result.

Hmmm, You may have just stumbled on answer to the mysterious sock eating dryer.

[Ravok]

 My personal favorite was in the military on a Claymore anti personnel mine DO NOT EAT!
 Gee i know some of us GIs aren't that bright but give us a break  

[SL-Punisher]

LOL If you've ever seen a claymore mine on one side if it is clearly marked "Place toward enemy"

[Losiack]

How stupid are consumers and how far do companies need to go with their disclaimers?

I bought a jar of Cashew. On the list on ingredients, it said: Cashew (doh!), peanut oil and salt.

On the disclaimer it said: May contain traces of nuts and/or peanuts!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think that Darwin is roling over in his coffin

Now, if someone was to claim that illeterate people were at risk, why don't they put a peanut warning logo.



Losiack

[762]

Some people are very allergic to peanuts.

[Losiack]

I know but the ingredient list clearly states: peanut oil!!!!!

[Sethan]

Product Warnings:

"Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." -- On a bottle of shampoo for dogs.

"For external use only!" -- On a curling iron.

"Warning: This product can burn eyes." -- On a curling iron.

"Do not use in shower." -- On a hair dryer.

"Do not use while sleeping." -- On a hair dryer.

"Do not use while sleeping or unconscious." -- On a hand-held massaging device.

"Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking." -- On a toilet at a public sports facility in Ann Arbor, Michigan.

"Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." -- On a pair of shin guards made for bicyclists.

"This product not intended for use as a dental drill." -- On an electric rotary tool.

"Caution: Do not spray in eyes." -- On a container of underarm deodorant.

"Do not drive with sunshield in place." -- On a cardboard sunshield that keeps the sun off the dashboard.

"Caution: This is not a safety protective device." -- On a plastic toy helmet used as a container for popcorn.

"Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks." -- On an "Aim-n-Flame" fireplace lighter.

"Battery may explore or leak." -- On a battery. See a scanned image.

"Do not eat toner." -- On a toner cartridge for a laser printer.

"Not intended for highway use." -- On a 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow.

"This product is not to be used in bathrooms." -- On a Holmes bathroom heater.

"May irritate eyes." -- On a can of self-defense pepper spray.

"Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth." -- On a novelty rock garden set called "Popcorn Rock."

"Caution! Contents hot!" -- On a Domino's Pizza box.

"Caution: Hot beverages are hot!" -- On a coffee cup.

"Warning: May contain small parts." -- On a frisbee.

"Do not use orally." -- On a toilet bowl cleaning brush.

"Please keep out of children." -- On a butcher knife.

"Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less." -- On a birthday card for a 1 year old.

"Do not recharge, put in backwards, or use." -- On a battery.

"Warning: Do not use on eyes." -- In the manual for a heated seat cushion.

"Do not look into laser with remaining eye." -- On a laser pointer.

"Do not use for drying pets." -- In the manual for a microwave oven.

"For use on animals only." -- On an electric cattle prod.

"For use by trained personnel only." -- On a can of air freshener.

"Keep out of reach of children and teenagers." -- On a can of air freshener.

"Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you." -- On a motorcycle helmet-mounted rear-view mirror.

"Warning: Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to the forceful injection of water into body cavities either by falling into the water or while mounting the craft." -- In the manual for a jetski.

"Warning: Do not climb inside this bag and zip it up. Doing so will cause injury and death." -- A label inside a protective bag (for fragile objects), which measures 15cm by 15cm by 12cm.

"Do not use as ear plugs." -- On a package of silly putty.

"Please store in the cold section of the refrigerator." -- On a bag of fresh grapes in Australia.

"Warning: knives are sharp!" -- On the packaging of a sharpening stone.

"Not for weight control." -- On a pack of Breath Savers.

"Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth." -- On the label of a bottled drink.

"Theft of this container is a crime." -- On a milk crate.

"Do not use intimately." -- On a tube of deodorant.

"Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice." -- On a box of rat poison.

"Fragile. Do not drop." -- Posted on a Boeing 757.

"Cannot be made non-poisonous." -- On the back of a can of de-icing windshield fluid.

"Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage." -- On a portable stroller.

"Excessive dust may be irritating to shin and eyes." -- On a tube of agarose powder, used to make gels.

"Look before driving." -- On the dash board of a mail truck.

"Do not iron clothes on body." -- On packaging for a Rowenta iron.

"Do not drive car or operate machinery." -- On Boot's children's cough medicine.

"For indoor or outdoor use only." -- On a string of Christmas lights.

"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." -- On a child sized Superman costume.

"This door is alarmed from 7:00pm - 7:00am." -- On a hospital's outside access door.

"Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted." -- On a sign at a railroad station.

"Warning: do not use if you have prostate problems." -- On a box of Midol PMS relief tablets.

"Product will be hot after heating." -- On a supermarket dessert box.

"Do not turn upside down." -- On the bottom of a supermarket dessert box.

"Do not light in face. Do not expose to flame." -- On a lighter.

"Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball." -- On the label for a cheap rubber ball toy.

"Not for human consumption." -- On a package of dice.

"May be harmful if swallowed." -- On a shipment of hammers.

"Using Ingenio cookware to destroy your old pots may void your warranty." -- A printed message that appears in a television advertisement when the presenter demonstrates how strong the cookware is by using it to beat up and destroy a regular frying pan.

"Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand." -- In the manual for a Swedish chainsaw.

"Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers." -- From a manual for an SGI computer.

"Warning: May contain nuts." -- On a package of peanuts.

"Do not eat." -- On a slip of paper in a stereo box, referring to the styrofoam packing.

"Access hole only -- not intended for use in lifting box." -- On the sides of a shipping carton, just above cut-out openings which one would assume were handholds.

"Warning: May cause drowsiness." -- On a bottle of Nytol, a brand of sleeping pills.

"Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death." -- Stamped on the metal barrel of a .22 calibre rifle.

"Do not use orally after using rectally." -- In the instructions for an electric thermometer.

"Turn off motor before using this product." -- On the packaging for a chain saw file, used to sharpen the cutting teeth on the chain.

"Not to be used as a personal flotation device." -- On a 6x10 inch inflatable picture frame.

"Do not put in mouth." -- On a box of bottle rockets.

"Remove plastic before eating." -- On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack.

"Not dishwasher safe." -- On a remote control for a TV.

"For lifting purposes only." -- On the box for a car jack.

"Do not put lit candles on phone." -- On the instructions for a cordless phone.

"Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants." -- On the packaging for a wristwatch.

[Losiack]

I remember seeing a disclaimer based on Physics. It included such warnings as:

Contain electric charged particules

100% matter, do not get into contact with antimatter

Any use of this product even for the purpose it is designed for will increase the enthropy of the Universe, ultimatley leading to its heat death.

...

Losiack

[Sirgod]

 

Quote:
 Any use of this product even for the purpose it is designed for will increase the enthropy of the Universe, ultimatley leading to its heat death.

hehe, that's a new classic

Stephen

[Scott Allen Abfalter]

I'm sure every one of these can be traced back to some frivolous lawsuit that forced the company to put the stupid warning on their merchandise.

 

[762]

Yep.

[TB613]

Quote:

I'm sure every one of these can be traced back to some frivolous lawsuit that forced the company to put the stupid warning on their merchandise.

 

Actually this one goes back to before those lawsuits started happening.
 

Quote:
  "Not intended for highway use." -- On a 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow.

It makes sense when you have a low speed tire that is the same size as a high speed tire just to avoid any posible confusion.
   

[Losiack]

It took me a while but I found it:

This product warps space and time in its vicinity.

This product attracts every other piece of matter in the universe, including the products of other manufacturers, with a force proportional to the masses of the products and inversely proportional to the distance between them.

The mass of this product contains the energy equivalent of 85 million tons of TNT per net ounce of weight.

Handle with extreme care: This product contains minute electrically charged particles moving at velocities in excess of five hundred million miles per hour.

Because of the 'Uncertainty Principle,' it is impossible for the consumer to find out precisely where this product is and how fast it is moving.

There is an extremely small but nonzero chance that, through a process known as 'Tunneling,' this product may spontaneously disappear from its present location and reappear randomly in the universe. The manufacturer will not be responsible for any damages or inconvenience that may result.

According to certain suggested versions of a Grand Unified Theory, the primary particles constituting this product may decay to nothingness within the next four hundred million years.

This is a 100% Matter product: In the unlikely event that this merchandise should contact Antimatter in any form, a
catastrophic explosion will result.

Any use of this product, in any manner whatsoever, will increase the amount of disorder in the universe. Although no liability is implied herein, the consumer is warned that this process will ultimately lead to the heat death of the universe.

The most fundamental particles in this product are held together by a 'Gluing' force about which little is currently known and whose adhesive power can therefore not be permanently guaranteed.

Some quantum physics theories suggest that when the consumer is not directly observing this product, it may cease to exist or will exist only in a vague and undetermined state.

The subatomic particles (electrons, protons, etc.) comprising this product are exactly the same in every measurable respect as those used in the products of other manufacturers, and no claim to the contrary may legitimately be expressed or implied.

Care should be taken when lifting this product, since its mass, and thus its weight, is dependent on its velocity relative to the user.

The entire physical universe, including this product, may one day collapse back into an infinitesimally small space. Should another universe subsequently re-emerge, the existence of this product in that universe cannot be guaranteed


Losiack

[Bonk]

Its not the peanuts that people have developed a greater sensitivity to (some severe). Its the mycotoxin(s) produced by a fungus that grows on the peanuts that produces the allergic response. These compunds can be very toxic. I theorise that there is greater sensitivity to mycotoxins than there was in the past because of our sealed environments that encourage mold growth which subjects us to greater concentrations of these compounds than are encountered in nature...

I expect this all to change soon. There are fungicides/crop rotations in the works that may allow the production of mycotoxin-free peanut crops so that all children can know the joy of peanuts!

It's not the peanut's fault! Ease up on the poor peanut people!    

[MarianoDT]

Save the peanut !!!    

[Dash Jones]

Quote:
It took me a while but I found it:

This product warps space and time in its vicinity.

This product attracts every other piece of matter in the universe, including the products of other manufacturers, with a force proportional to the masses of the products and inversely proportional to the distance between them.

The mass of this product contains the energy equivalent of 85 million tons of TNT per net ounce of weight.

Handle with extreme care: This product contains minute electrically charged particles moving at velocities in excess of five hundred million miles per hour.

Because of the 'Uncertainty Principle,' it is impossible for the consumer to find out precisely where this product is and how fast it is moving.

There is an extremely small but nonzero chance that, through a process known as 'Tunneling,' this product may spontaneously disappear from its present location and reappear randomly in the universe. The manufacturer will not be responsible for any damages or inconvenience that may result.

According to certain suggested versions of a Grand Unified Theory, the primary particles constituting this product may decay to nothingness within the next four hundred million years.

This is a 100% Matter product: In the unlikely event that this merchandise should contact Antimatter in any form, a
catastrophic explosion will result.

Any use of this product, in any manner whatsoever, will increase the amount of disorder in the universe. Although no liability is implied herein, the consumer is warned that this process will ultimately lead to the heat death of the universe.

The most fundamental particles in this product are held together by a 'Gluing' force about which little is currently known and whose adhesive power can therefore not be permanently guaranteed.

Some quantum physics theories suggest that when the consumer is not directly observing this product, it may cease to exist or will exist only in a vague and undetermined state.

The subatomic particles (electrons, protons, etc.) comprising this product are exactly the same in every measurable respect as those used in the products of other manufacturers, and no claim to the contrary may legitimately be expressed or implied.

Care should be taken when lifting this product, since its mass, and thus its weight, is dependent on its velocity relative to the user.

The entire physical universe, including this product, may one day collapse back into an infinitesimally small space. Should another universe subsequently re-emerge, the existence of this product in that universe cannot be guaranteed


Losiack  

Excellent post!  I love it!

[SPQR Renegade001]

Quote:
There is an extremely small but nonzero chance that, through a process known as 'Tunneling,' this product may spontaneously disappear from its present location and reappear randomly in the universe. The manufacturer will not be responsible for any damages or inconvenience that may result.

Hmmm, You may have just stumbled on answer to the mysterious sock eating dryer.

[Ravok]

 My personal favorite was in the military on a Claymore anti personnel mine DO NOT EAT!
 Gee i know some of us GIs aren't that bright but give us a break  

[SL-Punisher]

LOL If you've ever seen a claymore mine on one side if it is clearly marked "Place toward enemy"