Topic: Darwin Awards 2003 (Read 5076 times)

Zenister · « **Reply #20 on:** December 18, 2003, 06:26:14 am »

amazing how the same entries appear year after year...

that "winner" is from 2000...

Falaris · « **Reply #21 on:** December 18, 2003, 06:37:04 am »

Quote:

amazing how the same entries appear year after year...

that "winner" is from 2000...

Might be, I got it in an email and didn't check before posting. The big question is, did they bring a smile or not?

Here's another few entries, though:

Yes, these are all true. They are finally out
again.

You all know about the Darwin Awards. It's an
annual honor given to the person who did the gene
pool the biggest service by killing themselves in
the most extraordinarily stupid way.

Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed
by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of
him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out
of it. And the nominees this year are:

9. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of
getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money
with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with
milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him
ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his
house. This resulting explosion and fire burned
his house down, killing both him and his sister.

8. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the
basement of his home died of suffocation,
according to police. He was approximately 6'2"
tall and weighed 225 pounds. he was wearing a
pleated skirt, white bra, black and white saddle
shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was
trying to create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He
was also wearing a military gas mask that had the
filter canister removed and a rubber hose
attached in its place. The other end of the hose
was connected to one end of a hollow tube approx.
12" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other end
was inserted into his rectum for reasons unknown,
and was the cause of his suffocation. Police
found the task of explaining the circumstances of
his death to his family very awkward.

7. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light
aircraft at low altitude when another plane
approached. It appears that they decided to moon
the occupants of the other plane, but lost
control of their own aircraft and crashed. They
were all found dead in the wreckage with their
pants around their ankles.

6. A police officer in Ohio responded to a 911
call.
She had no details before arriving, except that
someone had reported that his father was not
breathing. Upon arrival, the officer found the
man
face down on the couch naked. When she rolled him
over to check for a pulse and to start CPR, she
noticed burn marks around his genitals.
After the ambulance arrived and removed the man -
who was declared dead on arrival at the hospital
-the police made a closer inspection of the
couch, and noticed that the man had made a hole
between the cushions. Upon flipping the couch
over, they
discovered what had caused his death. Apparently,
the man had a habit of putting his penis between
the cushions, down into the hole and between two
electrical sanders (with the sandpaper removed,
for obvious reasons). According to the story,
after his orgasm the discharge shorted out one of
the sanders, electrocuting him.

5. A 27-year-old French woman lost control of
her car on a highway near Marseilles and crashed
into a tree, seriously injuring her passenger and
killing herself.
As a commonplace road accident, this would not
have qualified for a Darwin nomination, were it
not for the fact that the driver's attention had
been distracted by her Tamagotchi key ring, which
had started urgently beeping for food as she
drove along. In an attempt to press the correct
buttons to save the Tamagotchi's life, the woman
lost her own.

4. A 22-year-old, Glade Drive, Reston, VA, man
was found dead after he tried to use octopus
straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad
trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia,
a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these
straps together, wrapped one end around one foot,
anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake
Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement.
Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said
investigators think Barcia was alone because his
car was found nearby. "The length of the cord
that he had assembled was greater than the
distance between the trestle and the ground"
Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of
death was "Major trauma."

3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites.
It seems that he and a friend were playing a game
of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The
friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards
candidate, was hospitalized.

2. Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west
Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly,
management evacuated the building extinguishing
all potential sources of ignition; lights, power,
etc.
After the building had been evacuated, two
technicians from the gas company were dispatched.
Upon entering the building, they found they had
difficulty navigating in the dark. To their
frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses
later described the sight of one of the
technicians reaching into his pocket and
retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette
lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like
object, the gas in the warehouse exploded,
sending pieces of it up to three miles away.
Nothing was found of the technicians, but the
lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion.
The technician suspected of causing the blast had
never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers.

AND THE WINNER.....

1. Based on a bet by the other members of his
threesome, Everitt Sanchez tried to wash his own
"balls" in a ball washer at the local golf
course.
Proving once again that beer and testosterone are
a bad mix, Sanchez managed to straddle the ball
washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine.
Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the
ante by spinning the crank on the machine with
Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus wedging them
solidly in the mechanism.
Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of
pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch.
Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the ball
washer was more than a foot higher off the ground
than his testicles are in a normal stance, and
the scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez's
scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one
testicle was plucked from him forever and
remained in the ball washer, while the other
testicle was compressed and flattened as it was
pulled between the housing of the washer and the
rotating machinery inside. To add insult to
injury, Sanchez broke a new $300 driver that he
had just purchased from the pro shop, and was
using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to
the hospital for surgery, and the remaining
threesome were asked to leave the course.

Note: This last one wouldn't normally count,
because the idiot didn't die. But because he
cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying
act of stupidity, we have not only allowed it but
have awarded it first place. OUCH!

Ravok · « **Reply #23 on:** December 18, 2003, 07:15:46 am »

I wold have to agree that the guy trying to wash his nads in the ball washer is the winner. I gotten pretty drunk in my day but theres not enough beer , ect. in the world to make me do something that stupid .

Falaris · « **Reply #25 on:** December 18, 2003, 07:35:07 am »

I think, perhaps, he didn't intend to actually do it - it was his friend who suddenly started the damnthing.

Friend, though... not sure if they're on speaking terms anymore.

On an aside, no, the darwin awards for 2003 hasn't been awarded yet, according to the www.darwinawards.com site.

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