Topic: someone post something Funny please.

[Sirgod]

Hehe, I'm trying to put off building two Bathroom walls, so I need an excuse to sit here and talk with you guys. Yeah I know I'm procratinating, But I really don't want to do any carpentry today. lol

Stephen

[Corbomite]

Well fix yer fridge then.  

[Death_Merchant]

When bummed...Go TheOnion!

   

[Sethan]

Here ya go:

Little Mary

Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in her Catholic School.
Usually she slept through the class. One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. . "Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?" . When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.
"God Almighty!" shouted Mary Margaret. . The Nun said, "Very good" and continued teaching her class.

A little later the Nun asked Mary Margaret, "Who is our Lord and Savior?"
But she didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, little Johnny came to the rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt. . "Jesus Christ!" shouted Mary and the Nun once again said "Very good," and Mary Margaret fell back asleep. .

Some time later, the Nun asked her a third question..."What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" . Again, Johnny came to the rescue.
This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damned thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"

 

[Sirgod]

hehe, I meant to tell you I went ahead and bought a used Fridge yeterday. Thanks again for the help on that one, It turns out It only cost $75.00 but It does have a larger Freezer space.

hehe, I haven't been the Onion in about a week. Pretty funny stuff yet again.

oh well, I guess I better get up and fix the Bathroom walls. sigh.

Stephen

[Scott Allen Abfalter]

Just watch this movie


http://www.madnesscombat.com/madnessavenger/toon.swf


 

[Toasty0]

Way down south
where the grass grows green
that old cat jump on the sewing machine
that sewing machine was going so fast
it sewed ninety stiches up the old cat's...  

[Sirgod]

Quote:
Way down south
where the grass grows green
that old cat jump on the sewing machine
that sewing machine was going so fast
it sewed ninety stiches up the old cat's...  

LOL. Now that needs to be emproidried and given to My sis in law who loves cats.  :thumbsup

Stephen:

[RazalYllib]

-(for the record I live downstate of Chicago, I am utterly convinced that Chicago and the suburbans entitys that enclose it should be relegated to their own State, or optimally, the closest parallel dimension)-

Seasonal Differences in the regions of the USA:

60 above - Floridians wear coats, gloves, and woolly hats. Chicago people sunbathe.

50 above - New Yorkers try to turn on the heat. Chicago people plant gardens.

40 above - Italian cars won't start. Chicago people drive with the windows down.

32 above - Distilled water freezes. Lake Michigan's water gets thicker.

20 above - Californians shiver uncontrollably. Chicago people have the last cookout before it gets cold.

15 above - New York landlords finally turn up the heat. Chicago people throw on a sweatshirt.

0 degrees - Californians fly away to Mexico. Chicago people lick the flagpole and throw on a light jacket over the sweatshirt.

20 below - People in Miami cease to exist. Chicago people get out their winter coats.

40 below - Hollywood disintegrates. Chicago's Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door.

50 below - Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Chicago people get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg.

60 below - Microbial life survives on dairy products. Illinois cows complain of farmers with cold hands.

460 below - ALL atomic motion stops. Chicago people start saying. . ."Cold 'nuff for ya??"

500 below - Hell freezes over. The Chicago Cubs win the World Series

First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is Chi-ca-go, or Cha-ca-ga depending on if you live North or South of Roosevelt Rd.

Next, if your road map is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy new one. If in Naperville and your map is one day old, then it is already obsolete.

Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Chicago has its own version of traffic rules... "Hold on and pray."

There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Chicago. We all drive like that.

All directions start with, "I-94"... which has no beginning and no end.

The morning rush hour is from 6 to 10. The evening rush hour is from 3 to 7. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.

If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly shot. When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.

Construction on Northwest Tollway is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. We had sooooo much fun with that we have added Elgin O'Hare and the I-355 to the mix.

All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Cicero!"

If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.

Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators.

All old ladies with blue hair and driving Mercedes have the right of way. Period.

First Ave, LaGrange Rd, NW Highway, all mysteriously change names as you cross intersections (these are only a FEW examples).

If asking directions in Cicero you must have knowledge of Spanish.

If in Bridgeport, Mandarin Chinese will be your best bet.

If you stop to ask directions on the West or South side you better be armed.

A trip across town (east to west) will take a minimum of four hours, although many north/south freeways have unposted minimum speeds of 75.

The minimum acceptable speed on the Dan Ryan is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy.

The wrought iron on windows near Englewood and Austin is not ornamental.

The Congress Expressway (Ike) is our daily version of NASCAR.

The Dan Ryan is called "The Death Trap" for two reasons: "death" and "trap."

If it's 100 degrees, it's Taste of Chicago. If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, it's opening day at Sox Park. If it's rained 6 inches in the last hour, the Western open Golf Classic is in the second round. If you go to Wrigley Field pay the $25.00 to park in the "Cubs Lot." Parking elsewhere could cost up to $2500 for damages, towing fees, parking tickets, etc. If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his yard, run over him.

Chicago, there's no place like it!
 

[Sirgod]

Hehe, I'm trying to put off building two Bathroom walls, so I need an excuse to sit here and talk with you guys. Yeah I know I'm procratinating, But I really don't want to do any carpentry today. lol

Stephen

[Corbomite]

Well fix yer fridge then.  

[Death_Merchant]

When bummed...Go TheOnion!

   

[Sethan]

Here ya go:

Little Mary

Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in her Catholic School.
Usually she slept through the class. One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. . "Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?" . When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.
"God Almighty!" shouted Mary Margaret. . The Nun said, "Very good" and continued teaching her class.

A little later the Nun asked Mary Margaret, "Who is our Lord and Savior?"
But she didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, little Johnny came to the rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt. . "Jesus Christ!" shouted Mary and the Nun once again said "Very good," and Mary Margaret fell back asleep. .

Some time later, the Nun asked her a third question..."What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" . Again, Johnny came to the rescue.
This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damned thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"

 

[Sirgod]

hehe, I meant to tell you I went ahead and bought a used Fridge yeterday. Thanks again for the help on that one, It turns out It only cost $75.00 but It does have a larger Freezer space.

hehe, I haven't been the Onion in about a week. Pretty funny stuff yet again.

oh well, I guess I better get up and fix the Bathroom walls. sigh.

Stephen

[Scott Allen Abfalter]

Just watch this movie


http://www.madnesscombat.com/madnessavenger/toon.swf


 

[Toasty0]

Way down south
where the grass grows green
that old cat jump on the sewing machine
that sewing machine was going so fast
it sewed ninety stiches up the old cat's...  

[Sirgod]

Quote:
Way down south
where the grass grows green
that old cat jump on the sewing machine
that sewing machine was going so fast
it sewed ninety stiches up the old cat's...  

LOL. Now that needs to be emproidried and given to My sis in law who loves cats.  :thumbsup

Stephen:

[RazalYllib]

-(for the record I live downstate of Chicago, I am utterly convinced that Chicago and the suburbans entitys that enclose it should be relegated to their own State, or optimally, the closest parallel dimension)-

Seasonal Differences in the regions of the USA:

60 above - Floridians wear coats, gloves, and woolly hats. Chicago people sunbathe.

50 above - New Yorkers try to turn on the heat. Chicago people plant gardens.

40 above - Italian cars won't start. Chicago people drive with the windows down.

32 above - Distilled water freezes. Lake Michigan's water gets thicker.

20 above - Californians shiver uncontrollably. Chicago people have the last cookout before it gets cold.

15 above - New York landlords finally turn up the heat. Chicago people throw on a sweatshirt.

0 degrees - Californians fly away to Mexico. Chicago people lick the flagpole and throw on a light jacket over the sweatshirt.

20 below - People in Miami cease to exist. Chicago people get out their winter coats.

40 below - Hollywood disintegrates. Chicago's Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door.

50 below - Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Chicago people get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg.

60 below - Microbial life survives on dairy products. Illinois cows complain of farmers with cold hands.

460 below - ALL atomic motion stops. Chicago people start saying. . ."Cold 'nuff for ya??"

500 below - Hell freezes over. The Chicago Cubs win the World Series

First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is Chi-ca-go, or Cha-ca-ga depending on if you live North or South of Roosevelt Rd.

Next, if your road map is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy new one. If in Naperville and your map is one day old, then it is already obsolete.

Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Chicago has its own version of traffic rules... "Hold on and pray."

There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Chicago. We all drive like that.

All directions start with, "I-94"... which has no beginning and no end.

The morning rush hour is from 6 to 10. The evening rush hour is from 3 to 7. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.

If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly shot. When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.

Construction on Northwest Tollway is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. We had sooooo much fun with that we have added Elgin O'Hare and the I-355 to the mix.

All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Cicero!"

If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.

Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators.

All old ladies with blue hair and driving Mercedes have the right of way. Period.

First Ave, LaGrange Rd, NW Highway, all mysteriously change names as you cross intersections (these are only a FEW examples).

If asking directions in Cicero you must have knowledge of Spanish.

If in Bridgeport, Mandarin Chinese will be your best bet.

If you stop to ask directions on the West or South side you better be armed.

A trip across town (east to west) will take a minimum of four hours, although many north/south freeways have unposted minimum speeds of 75.

The minimum acceptable speed on the Dan Ryan is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy.

The wrought iron on windows near Englewood and Austin is not ornamental.

The Congress Expressway (Ike) is our daily version of NASCAR.

The Dan Ryan is called "The Death Trap" for two reasons: "death" and "trap."

If it's 100 degrees, it's Taste of Chicago. If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, it's opening day at Sox Park. If it's rained 6 inches in the last hour, the Western open Golf Classic is in the second round. If you go to Wrigley Field pay the $25.00 to park in the "Cubs Lot." Parking elsewhere could cost up to $2500 for damages, towing fees, parking tickets, etc. If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his yard, run over him.

Chicago, there's no place like it!
 

[Sirgod]

Hehe, I'm trying to put off building two Bathroom walls, so I need an excuse to sit here and talk with you guys. Yeah I know I'm procratinating, But I really don't want to do any carpentry today. lol

Stephen

[Corbomite]

Well fix yer fridge then.