Topic: For GE-Raven and other Musicians (Read 4871 times)

Sirgod · « **on:** November 21, 2003, 11:46:05 am »

I thought these were very funny.
What do you call a drummer with no girlfriend?
Homeless!

How many lead vocalists are needed to change a light bulb? Only one. The vocalist holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.

What is the definition of perfect pitch?
When you can toss a banjo into a dumpster and never hit the side!

Q - How do you get a rhythm guitarist to play softer?
A - Give him music to read.

Q - What's the difference between a guitarist and a mutual fund?
A - One matures.

Q - How many guitarists does it take to change a light-bulb?
A - Twenty. One to change the bulb and nineteen to say
"Not bad, but I could've done better."

Q - What do you throw a drowning guitarist ?
A - His amplifier.

Q - What's the range of a Gibson Les Paul?
A - Depends on how far you throw it.

Q - Why are so many guitarists jokes one liners?
A - So the rest of the band can understand them.

Q - What's the difference between a guitar player and a bag of garbage?
A - The garbage gets taken out at least once a week.

Q - What's black and blue and laying in a ditch?
A - A guitarist who's told too many drummer jokes.

What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
Gifted.

Why do bands need Roadies?
To translate what the drummer says.

Q:What's the difference between a drum machine and a drummer?
A: You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once!

Q: What does a drummer use for contraception?
A: His personality!

A man goes to an exotic tropical island for a vacation. As the boat nears the island, he notices the constant sound of drumming coming from the island. As he gets off the boat, he asks the first native he sees how long the drumming will go on. The native casts about nervously and says "very bad when the drumming stops."
At the end of the day, the drumming is still going and is starting to get on his nerves. So, he asks another native when the drumming will stop. The native looks as if he's just been reminded of something very unpleasant. "Very bad when the drumming stops," he says, and hurries off.

After a couple of days with little sleep, our traveller is finally fed up, grabs the nearest native, slams him up against a tree, and shouts "What happens when the drumming stops?!!"

"Bass solo."

Q: What do you call 1000 primadonna lead vocalists chained together at the bottom of a lake?

A: A good start!

Q: How do you know if a drummer is at your door?
A: The knocking keeps getting louder and faster!

Q: How do you get a drummer off of your porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza!

ENJOY!!!!!

Stephen

Toasty0 · « **Reply #1 on:** November 21, 2003, 12:10:58 pm »

Q:What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?
A:Homeless.

:::rimshot:::

Taldren_Erin · « **Reply #2 on:** November 21, 2003, 01:31:05 pm »

Q: How do you get two oboes to play in tune?
A: Shoot one of them.

Q. Why are conductor's hearts so coveted for transplants?
A. They've had so little use.

Q. What's the difference between an Uzi and an accordion?
A. The Uzi stops after 20 rounds.

Q. What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
A. You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.

Q. How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin blindfolded?
A. You don't have to be very good to get people's attention.

Q. Which is better: electric guitar or harmonica?
A. Electric guitar. You can't beat a harmonica player to death with a harmonica.

Q: Why do saxophonists leave their cases on the dashboard?
A: So they can park in the handicapped zone.

Q: What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds?
A: Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.

Q: Who makes the best trumpet mutes?
A: Smith & Wesson.

Q: Why is a bassoon better than an oboe?
A: The bassoon burns longer.

GE-Raven · « **Reply #3 on:** November 21, 2003, 02:02:20 pm »

What is the difference beteween a dead skunk on the road and a dead trombonist?

A. There are skid marks before the skunk.

B. The skunk "might" have been on his way to a gig.

-

How does a Soprano balance with the other parts of the choir?

There are other parts?

-

Why couldn't Mozart find his mentor?

Because he was Haydn. (groan)

-

GE-Raven

Taldren_Erin · « **Reply #4 on:** November 21, 2003, 02:13:25 pm »

Okay, this one's really lame, but I can't help it.

A movie producer had called together several big name celebs to kick some ideas around. The project was an action docu-drama about famous composers featuring Stallone, Van Damme, and Schwarzenegger in the leading roles.

The producer really wanted the box office 'oomph' of these three, and was prepared to allow them to select what famous composers they would portray.

"Well," started Stallone, "I've always admired Mozart. I would love to play him."

"Chopin has always been my favorite," said Van Damme, "I'll play him."

Things were going well; the producers were pleased.

"Sounds splendid. And who do you want to be, Arnold?"

"I'll be Bach."

Sethan · « **Reply #5 on:** November 21, 2003, 03:59:00 pm »

Quote:

"I'll be Bach."

*groan*

Sirgod · « **Reply #7 on:** November 21, 2003, 11:46:05 am »

I thought these were very funny.
What do you call a drummer with no girlfriend?
Homeless!

How many lead vocalists are needed to change a light bulb? Only one. The vocalist holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.

What is the definition of perfect pitch?
When you can toss a banjo into a dumpster and never hit the side!

Q - How do you get a rhythm guitarist to play softer?
A - Give him music to read.

Q - What's the difference between a guitarist and a mutual fund?
A - One matures.

Q - How many guitarists does it take to change a light-bulb?
A - Twenty. One to change the bulb and nineteen to say
"Not bad, but I could've done better."

Q - What do you throw a drowning guitarist ?
A - His amplifier.

Q - What's the range of a Gibson Les Paul?
A - Depends on how far you throw it.

Q - Why are so many guitarists jokes one liners?
A - So the rest of the band can understand them.

Q - What's the difference between a guitar player and a bag of garbage?
A - The garbage gets taken out at least once a week.

Q - What's black and blue and laying in a ditch?
A - A guitarist who's told too many drummer jokes.

What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
Gifted.

Why do bands need Roadies?
To translate what the drummer says.

Q:What's the difference between a drum machine and a drummer?
A: You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once!

Q: What does a drummer use for contraception?
A: His personality!

A man goes to an exotic tropical island for a vacation. As the boat nears the island, he notices the constant sound of drumming coming from the island. As he gets off the boat, he asks the first native he sees how long the drumming will go on. The native casts about nervously and says "very bad when the drumming stops."
At the end of the day, the drumming is still going and is starting to get on his nerves. So, he asks another native when the drumming will stop. The native looks as if he's just been reminded of something very unpleasant. "Very bad when the drumming stops," he says, and hurries off.

After a couple of days with little sleep, our traveller is finally fed up, grabs the nearest native, slams him up against a tree, and shouts "What happens when the drumming stops?!!"

"Bass solo."

Q: What do you call 1000 primadonna lead vocalists chained together at the bottom of a lake?

A: A good start!

Q: How do you know if a drummer is at your door?
A: The knocking keeps getting louder and faster!

Q: How do you get a drummer off of your porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza!

ENJOY!!!!!

Stephen

Toasty0 · « **Reply #8 on:** November 21, 2003, 12:10:58 pm »

Q:What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?
A:Homeless.

:::rimshot:::

Taldren_Erin · « **Reply #9 on:** November 21, 2003, 01:31:05 pm »

Q: How do you get two oboes to play in tune?
A: Shoot one of them.

Q. Why are conductor's hearts so coveted for transplants?
A. They've had so little use.

Q. What's the difference between an Uzi and an accordion?
A. The Uzi stops after 20 rounds.

Q. What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
A. You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.

Q. How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin blindfolded?
A. You don't have to be very good to get people's attention.

Q. Which is better: electric guitar or harmonica?
A. Electric guitar. You can't beat a harmonica player to death with a harmonica.

Q: Why do saxophonists leave their cases on the dashboard?
A: So they can park in the handicapped zone.

Q: What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds?
A: Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.

Q: Who makes the best trumpet mutes?
A: Smith & Wesson.

Q: Why is a bassoon better than an oboe?
A: The bassoon burns longer.

GE-Raven · « **Reply #10 on:** November 21, 2003, 02:02:20 pm »

What is the difference beteween a dead skunk on the road and a dead trombonist?

A. There are skid marks before the skunk.

B. The skunk "might" have been on his way to a gig.

-

How does a Soprano balance with the other parts of the choir?

There are other parts?

-

Why couldn't Mozart find his mentor?

Because he was Haydn. (groan)

-

GE-Raven

Taldren_Erin · « **Reply #11 on:** November 21, 2003, 02:13:25 pm »

Okay, this one's really lame, but I can't help it.

A movie producer had called together several big name celebs to kick some ideas around. The project was an action docu-drama about famous composers featuring Stallone, Van Damme, and Schwarzenegger in the leading roles.

The producer really wanted the box office 'oomph' of these three, and was prepared to allow them to select what famous composers they would portray.

"Well," started Stallone, "I've always admired Mozart. I would love to play him."

"Chopin has always been my favorite," said Van Damme, "I'll play him."

Things were going well; the producers were pleased.

"Sounds splendid. And who do you want to be, Arnold?"

"I'll be Bach."

Sirgod · « **Reply #14 on:** November 21, 2003, 11:46:05 am »

I thought these were very funny.
What do you call a drummer with no girlfriend?
Homeless!

How many lead vocalists are needed to change a light bulb? Only one. The vocalist holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.

What is the definition of perfect pitch?
When you can toss a banjo into a dumpster and never hit the side!

Q - How do you get a rhythm guitarist to play softer?
A - Give him music to read.

Q - What's the difference between a guitarist and a mutual fund?
A - One matures.

Q - How many guitarists does it take to change a light-bulb?
A - Twenty. One to change the bulb and nineteen to say
"Not bad, but I could've done better."

Q - What do you throw a drowning guitarist ?
A - His amplifier.

Q - What's the range of a Gibson Les Paul?
A - Depends on how far you throw it.

Q - Why are so many guitarists jokes one liners?
A - So the rest of the band can understand them.

Q - What's the difference between a guitar player and a bag of garbage?
A - The garbage gets taken out at least once a week.

Q - What's black and blue and laying in a ditch?
A - A guitarist who's told too many drummer jokes.

What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
Gifted.

Why do bands need Roadies?
To translate what the drummer says.

Q:What's the difference between a drum machine and a drummer?
A: You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once!

Q: What does a drummer use for contraception?
A: His personality!

A man goes to an exotic tropical island for a vacation. As the boat nears the island, he notices the constant sound of drumming coming from the island. As he gets off the boat, he asks the first native he sees how long the drumming will go on. The native casts about nervously and says "very bad when the drumming stops."
At the end of the day, the drumming is still going and is starting to get on his nerves. So, he asks another native when the drumming will stop. The native looks as if he's just been reminded of something very unpleasant. "Very bad when the drumming stops," he says, and hurries off.

After a couple of days with little sleep, our traveller is finally fed up, grabs the nearest native, slams him up against a tree, and shouts "What happens when the drumming stops?!!"

"Bass solo."

Q: What do you call 1000 primadonna lead vocalists chained together at the bottom of a lake?

A: A good start!

Q: How do you know if a drummer is at your door?
A: The knocking keeps getting louder and faster!

Q: How do you get a drummer off of your porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza!

ENJOY!!!!!

Stephen

Toasty0 · « **Reply #15 on:** November 21, 2003, 12:10:58 pm »

Q:What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?
A:Homeless.

:::rimshot:::

Taldren_Erin · « **Reply #16 on:** November 21, 2003, 01:31:05 pm »

Q: How do you get two oboes to play in tune?
A: Shoot one of them.

Q. Why are conductor's hearts so coveted for transplants?
A. They've had so little use.

Q. What's the difference between an Uzi and an accordion?
A. The Uzi stops after 20 rounds.

Q. What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
A. You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.

Q. How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin blindfolded?
A. You don't have to be very good to get people's attention.

Q. Which is better: electric guitar or harmonica?
A. Electric guitar. You can't beat a harmonica player to death with a harmonica.

Q: Why do saxophonists leave their cases on the dashboard?
A: So they can park in the handicapped zone.

Q: What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds?
A: Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.

Q: Who makes the best trumpet mutes?
A: Smith & Wesson.

Q: Why is a bassoon better than an oboe?
A: The bassoon burns longer.

GE-Raven · « **Reply #17 on:** November 21, 2003, 02:02:20 pm »

What is the difference beteween a dead skunk on the road and a dead trombonist?

A. There are skid marks before the skunk.

B. The skunk "might" have been on his way to a gig.

-

How does a Soprano balance with the other parts of the choir?

There are other parts?

-

Why couldn't Mozart find his mentor?

Because he was Haydn. (groan)

-

GE-Raven

Taldren_Erin · « **Reply #18 on:** November 21, 2003, 02:13:25 pm »

Okay, this one's really lame, but I can't help it.

A movie producer had called together several big name celebs to kick some ideas around. The project was an action docu-drama about famous composers featuring Stallone, Van Damme, and Schwarzenegger in the leading roles.

The producer really wanted the box office 'oomph' of these three, and was prepared to allow them to select what famous composers they would portray.

"Well," started Stallone, "I've always admired Mozart. I would love to play him."

"Chopin has always been my favorite," said Van Damme, "I'll play him."

Things were going well; the producers were pleased.

"Sounds splendid. And who do you want to be, Arnold?"

"I'll be Bach."

News:

Topic: For GE-Raven and other Musicians (Read 4871 times) var addthis_config = {"data_track_clickback":true};

Sirgod

Toasty0

Taldren_Erin

GE-Raven

Taldren_Erin

Sethan

jualdeaux

Sirgod

Toasty0

Taldren_Erin

GE-Raven

Taldren_Erin

Sethan

jualdeaux

Sirgod

Toasty0

Taldren_Erin

GE-Raven

Taldren_Erin

Sethan

jualdeaux

Topic: For GE-Raven and other Musicians (Read 4871 times)