A friend just sent this to me.
"When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not make a circle and
wind up exactly where you were when I asked you to move. Your tail would
hurt a lot less if you would learn this.
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The
other dishes are ours and contain our food. Please note, placing a paw
print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it
becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing
in the slightest
Mozzarella cheese is a treat, not an inalienable right. Just because
we sprinkle it on almost everything we eat, does not mean that Eukenuba
cannot be eaten plain.
When we decide to have a dish of ice cream, it is not a requirement
that we share it with you. Nor are you entitled to your own bowl. You
are allowed to lick the bowl, but only when we are finished.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a track.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help,
because I fall faster than you can run.
We cannot buy anything bigger than a king-size bed. We are very sorry
about this. Do not think we will continue to sleep on the couch to
ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs sleeping, they can actually
curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep stretched out to the
fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking your tail straight
out and having your tongue hanging out the other end to maximize space
used is nothing but sarcasm.
My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by
some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under
the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same
door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years,
canine attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other animal's butts. I
cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.
The neighbors are allowed to go inside and out of their home and the
mail man shows up every day at 2 pm. We do not need to be informed of
this activity as though Al Quada had just driven up in an unmarked van.
PS:
To pacify you we have posted the following message on our front door...
Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who visit and Like to Complain about Our Dog:
1. He lives here. You don't.
2. If you don't want his hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
3. We love our dog a lot more than we like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To us, he is our son who is short, hairy,
walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
5. Dogs are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all
the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive
your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink,
don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes,
don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant,
you can sell the results."
Hope you enjoyed.
Best,
Jerry
Topic: This just in...for you dog owners. (Read 3440 times)