Now that's a number trying to read through. Very hard to understand what you are asking. However, here are some thoughts on the matter.
First - how does it run on your machine when in Single Player mode? If it runs well, go to the second. If not...your problem lies there.
Second - What is your connection speed to the internet, and are you trying to connect to a server which has a good connectivity rate? In the unpatched version, sometimes it causes a crash when connectivity goes really really bad...
Third - Are you trying to get on a server with the TNZ or anything else. Make sure you have all the files that the server is using...
Fourth - Have you tried connecting for a skirmish...does it work well there...if not, perhaps you could figure what's going wrong there and work your way up.
Fifth - these are just ideas I've put out, nothing concrete or solid.
I hope you well and good luck.